I don't beleive it....i might have a real job!!!!

I had resigned myself to my current status, of being part-time employed in a dark hold of a library. I was lookign for any ohter parttime employment, with the midset a part-time job is just a part-time job, I will focus on school, (I felt a renewed sense of afinity toward academic librarianship). I figured this is jsut the way it is..I went on interiews and I was just unemployable.

I have suffered traumas in my life, and I ahve to say job searching absolutely sucks. I mean especially once you have graduated (as I have not, I was slightly consolable) all fresh with your degree, and it turns out the best job you can get is something you could ahve done w/o the degree.....it is just so so depressing. It is hard to really express in words, but so many of my friends who went out to look for jobs after graduating suffered this fate. Is it just the economy? I hope so..and the economy is cyclical, so it will get better eventually, soon. THe whole bachelor's degree thing is liek a let down, in this current day. You finish high school and you were so excited to go away to school, or stay home, bu tto everyone who asked, you were in 'college'. Very noble, even community college, provided you left the place within a decent amount of time, but all the same, it justified any shitty thing you were feeling and/or doing, becasue you had this goal, and it was all jsut a means to an end. And we were always told how important a degree was...but is it anymore?? I totally beleive in schooling, I really do. And I guess one with a bachelors degree is better off than one without...but Jesus, it is not apparent to any of us who recently got them anymore. And we had practical majors...business, education...but my business friends are in jobs that they coudl ahve gottne without the degree, and none of thier coworkers have them. Half of my teacher friends work at catholic schools in bad neighborhoods, for honestly no money. Everyone knows that private schools underpay, but usually accompanied with that is a tamer breed of child...not that case in those schools.

Anyway, back to me...I got offered a full-time job I interviewed for two weeks ago. I dont knwo what to do..I was finally ok with my lack of a fulltiem job, thinking ok, I will just have to turn over everything I ever make to the US Dept of Ed. and finish school by next May...but then this happened. Ok the job is not exactly what I want to do..(youth Services has a strangle hold on me) but there are so many pay-offs...the salary is so-so, but more than my parttime job..Its seems like I would be busy there, not always trying to look busy, which I suck at, and the benefits kick ass, and they pay half of my tuition...so the US dept. of Ed will only own like half of my soul.

The woman woke me up with her call at 930..I know, I am a sack of lazy sleep..I dont have class til 1. So groggily I was like wow, thanks, may I call you back tomorrow for my final word? and she said to call Saturday, cause she wouldn't be in Friday, and I was like OK. you know what better money means? New clothes:) This means I can buy two plain sweaters from Old Navy, instead of one, and then scavenging for it months later on the clearance rack. I have arrived. THe only think that causes me hesitation..is I am a chicken. What if I suck? I already knwo I am not totally into the YS scene...but it is a means to an end..a means that gives me five personal days a year, and half of my tution....I think I am giving myself an ulcer. I am a nervous person..I was always this way. In the seventh grade, I was really freaked out by my nut of a science teacher, who drank Scope in between classes, I always had a stomach ache. I realize now it was psychosematic, but at the time, my stomach always hurt. The fact that he drank scope between classes wasnt why he freaked me out. I was scared because 7th grade was the first year we had to start doing lab expiriments, and write reports about them. It was so high pressure.

I went to visit my good friend Meg at Purdue, for her birthday weekend. Meg turned the big 2-4 Friday, officially entering her mid-twenties. Meg laments the fact that when not at Purdue she still has to share a 9 by9 foot room with her 20 year old sister. When her parents threatened to start collecting rent upon her undergraduate graduation a year ago, she asked what was the going rate these days for the top bunk of a walk-in closet? Meg's parents decided to forego charging her rent.

Now Meg lives in a comparatively spacious dorm room in the graduate housing complex in West Lafayette, IN.

We had a fun weekend, but the stomach churning troubles of my crap job were never far from my mind. Though I no longer tear at teh thought fo the situation, it still is one that is unbearable for much longer. I have so my animosity/resentment toward my boss, her actions, and my place of employment, I need to leave as soon as possible.

My undergraduate degree is in business management, and I am lookign into temping agencies. I knwo a few peopel who have gone through them, and it is a good way to hook yourself up with a job, especially since jobs are not very easy to come by lately. I think I will take the summer off from library school, and give myself a chance to regroup, and think about what I want to do with my life. I really don't know lately, but I am certain it is nothing I have right now.

I hate my job

I don't care if by some chance anyone ever read this and figured out who this blog belongs to. Just can me. My boss basically implied I would no longer have a job because of my taking two night classes for 6 weeks this summer. What the hell kind of manager in a library threatens you for taking library masters classes?? I work part-time. My whopping 15 hours a week, and you expect me to not take two classes? It is a Masters degree, most classes are at night? What the hell? I do not go to Moraine Valley. I cannot take any class virtually anytime I choose, I had to claw for these shitty ones.
She doesnt want to work any nights, and acts as if it is asking her to climb a mountain backwards, because she has 'things to do.'

My supervisor's things to do, thereby preventing her from working any night:

-mourn the loss of her hamster. (I am not kidding)
-watch TV with her boyfriend.
-regroup after a long day of bitching about how bored she is at work(the library).
-think about new and better ways to make employees under her supervison cry in front of all other members of the department.
-play bunco

Today was by far the worst work expirience of my life. I wish I could never ever go back. I would swipe my picture and my coffee mug, and my picture of George W and the pope where the pope looks like he is smacking his forehead while George is talking. The meeting ended with me crying. SO much of what went on at the meeting was bullshit, unfair and unfounded.
my supervisor needs to learn basic management skills.

I dont want to go back.

This weekend has sucked something awful. Friday was ok, work was the usual, and I learned we are having an unpresidented meeting on Tuesday morning. I am pretty anxious about that one, the managers meeting was liek 4 hours long last week, it is pretty certain the meeting is bad news. The only idea that comforts me is this: If I, personally, was going to get reemed, chances are I would be reemed in private, and not during a meeting that everyone kind of had to jiggle thier schedules to attend. Well actually there are only four of us, and I was the only one who had to jiggle, but close enough.

THis week is goign to be very very busy. I have an interview at Berwyn Public Library wednesday morning, and I am nervous/excited. It is in youth(I try to escape youth services, but every which way I turn I am firmly clutched by it) but it seems kind of cool. Way cooler than the present situation. It is fulltime :) and that is always a good thing. I kind of dread the summer that is quickly approaching. I work negative hours, and will have a lot of free time, seeing as the summer scheduling at Dominican sucks. I probably will (IF I CAN GET IN THEM) take 2 classes over the summer. That might change slightly if I get a fulltime job between now and then. So if I do not land a fulltime job, I will hardly work, and barely any school work to take up my time.

Anyways, back to the suck-butt weekend. Friday afternoon at work, I call Lee on my break. He hints at beign upset and me and having something bad to tell me. I hate it when he does this, it always freaks me out, I get totally nerved out and end up getting really pissed and yellign at him to jsut tell me what the hell is wrong right then and there. We king of got into it, but I had to get back to work. I am trapped at the reference desk, when the creepy guy who was nearly kicked out for a year came in and started staring at everyone and asking everyone for tylenol. I was very upset(not about the creep, about Lee) and I called him back, wrote him an email, we basically patched it up.

Friday night, Lee and I are back to good again, and we go to a bar with some of his music friends. Brendan is the most anal annoying guy I have ever met, but his fiance Jess is a sweetheart. Collectively they are the youngest most right-winged people in existance. So of course while drinking we have to listen to Bren and Jess's right-winged commentary on the War. It was mindnumbing. Isn't one of the benefits of drinking to forget that kind of stuff? Apparently not.
I am not super left, personally. People who are totally anti-war kind of get me too. I mean Hussien is totally inhumane. He torures civilians based on ethnicity. Not my point, peopel who are so vehemently for or against war annoy me.

Why?

Well my take is this. I am not a military strategist, nor is anyone I know. Not Bren, not Jess, not my friend Kerry's pretensious super-left friends, nobody. To vehemently take a side, either side, is to act on passion and emotions, and not on facts or intelligence or even ideas of morality(that many people on both sides claim to motivate thier ideology).

Anyone who claims a side is using the situation to shout thier politics. The lefters attend protests with romantic idealism, using thier attendance as proof, a badge of how hip-humane-radical-anti-the-man they are. The righters show thier support of the war so they can claim how patriotic they are, how mighty we(US) are, how we(US) are the great white hope of the world.

I am a coward. I know I am. My politics are based on how it directly affects me. War? I would be against it if I had to be involved in it, personally. If my friends were drafted, I would cry Vietnam too. I am left to a degree. I signed a petition against the war, but seeing protesters sometimes makes me wish I hadn't. I am not liek them, protesting all war, no matter what.

Also, they say this is an oil war, the US is just protecting its interests. Ok, Probably true. The United States has always acted in this manner, protecting its monetary interests. Everyone in this country lives the life they do, in one of the most affluent countries of the world because of this fact. Everyone, including protestors, benefits from an amalgum of 200+ years of these kinds of actions. It reminds me of Socrates a bit and his city-state law argument. I am not saying it is wrong or right or just or immoral. But it is something to think about. We are affluent mostly due to actions such as this. Would people trade the lifestyle they have?

Many things are happening lately, and I will do my best to touch on them:

First off, this past weekend was the South Side Irish Parade. I actually kind of hate the parade, but I am from the South Side, and when you are from here, and especially if you go to a Catholic high school everyone acts like it is the biggest and most sacred holiday after Easter and Christmas. Really, it is every high schooler's best hope that everyone will get so into the spirit of St Patrick's Day that this is thier best shot of getting to drink with minimal repercussions. The whole day is an excuse to be drunk on Western Avenue. Don't get me wrong, I drink, but soon after high school the blatant public display of excess on the day of the parade became kind of embarrassing. People act like it is thier one shot to drink...even people who, and I can attest to this, drink pretty much everyday. They would show up at the drive-up of the bank drinking beer in thier pick-up trucks. Completely redneck, and you don't even need to leave the city of Chicago to find it.

On to other topics:

GIVING BACK TO THE WEB

I am thinking the tabloid idea is not panning out. I mean sure there is tons of crap on the Internet, but to parallel it with obvious crap from the junk papers, I don't know. I mean obviously the stuff in Weekly World News is crap, and obviously stuff on the Internet has crap potential. But they are different kinds of crap. The main difference that I see, and I doubt this translate really in any way as a contribution to the web, is (1)Many people do no know how to tell what is crap on the web and what is not. I mean there are a few tell-tale signs...is the source verifiable, is a source even named? Are they trying to sell you something? Do they make you divulge personal information? Is it too good to be true? etc.

So, I jsut don't think I can explore that venue in such a way that warrants a term project. I think I will have to do a paper(fun). I am tired of filters, but I am not sure how long or the breadth of this paper. I considered making a website, but I had some questions about that. We are learning about commercial(free) web sites. I wonder, if I constructed a web site along the lines of a young adult book discussion site on a commercial site like that..is that appropriate for the project? Plus, as of know, I can only discuss a few books now, maybe adding more over time, maybe linking them to author web sites, and NoveList discussion questions. But if the indivdual views my site on a computer at thier house, the link to NoveList would be dead to them.
But like I said I am so sick of talking about filters. The only interesting point any one has raised in regard to Internet filters was the article we read in class about the Core Values. Librarians do censure everything in the library's collection. Isn't that a part of collection development? Maybe filters don't fall under collection development becasue it doesn't block out sites based on false or questionable reputability of the infomation, but because it is possibley obscene. Before we read that article I was basically anti-filter partially because that was the literature I was exposed to, thus far, and it made sense. Filters do not work well, etc.they block out sites containing words that in context are not obscene, as in Dick Cheney, Enola Gay. And then people argue over what constitutes obscene material, etc, etc, it never ends.

So my giving back to the web project is very shakey and basically non-existant at this point. And maybe the web doesn't really want my gift?

Tomorrow I am presenting on the web searh directory FindLaw. Visually, I think it looks like yahoo, with the little icon buttons to the right and left fo the FindLaw logo. It was slim pickins when I finally got around to picking my search engine. I wanted AskJeeves cause it is the most useless search engine ever and to expound on that topic would be pretty easy.

Anyway, I end up with FindLaw. It seems like a good site, pretty reputable. It is affiliated with the West Group which my newbie lawyer friend Mark says is a pretty big deal in the law world. Without knowing that affiliation he told me a 101 reasons why the site sucks. He went on and on about how each state has different laws, and within each state laws are interpreted differently all the time. So if you acutally need this information, say you recently got picked up for a DUI, or you think you are a good bankruptcy candidate, you aren't going to get too too far with the info you find on this site. Plus it has tons of advertisements all over it for different lawyers, and obviously they are the lawyers who paid the most money to get the ad spots, not the necessarily the best lawyers in that field.

Before Mark the Lawyer tore the site a new one, I kind of thought it was a good search directory. Actually I still think it is good, but with some careful qualifications. In life and death, dire situations such as the ones where you are seeking legal advice, the best advice is probably not found on any website. If you are in a serious situation, you should be talking to a lawyer. And FindLaw has a lawyer directory, but I am not sure how you become a part of it..I am guessing you have to pay.

Plus you can get a free email addy there @justice.com..which I think is kind of neat. Not many people have justice.com addresses.

I am in the midst of weekend numbero two of working this weekend. It is strange how quickly one gets spoiled into thinking that everyone should have off on the weekend, and to have to work the weekend is just awful. No exageration, I have worked every weekend for five years, (well every Saturday, most of them the 6:45-3 shift) when I worked at a bank. It took all of one month to fall out of that used to working-is-normal-for-the-weekend-mode-of-functioning. I do not remember the person who had to get up almost every Saturday at 5:30 and put on pantyhose and ugly bank-approved outfits. I haven't seen that side of 5:30 AM since I stopped working there. Come to think of it I haven't worn pantyhose either. Major selling point of library work--no hose.

The highlight of my day today was acting as a shelver, due to the current shortage at my library. We will not be hiring anymore either, due to it 'not being in the budget.' Shelving is thankless unfufilling work really. Especially in the children's section. You get teh books on the shelf all nice and proper, and a three year old manages compeltely destroy the oder you jsut created with absolutely no effort on thier part. I actually think my high school job of being a bagger/cashier at the Jewel was more rewarding. Plus, it does not take long to be making above the minimum wage, where as that is not the case as a page.

The Internet project is going.